I can’t sleep.


I’ve always had trouble sleeping. As long as I can remember, getting to sleep seemed impossible. The white nose of the AC sounds like people talking or bad pop music. The fan moving air against my skin feels tingly and distracting. My obnoxious drunk neighbors are loud and remind me of how successful I’m not because I live in a shitty apartment among aforementioned fine young things who live here ironically. Have I mentioned my disdain for hipsters? But I digress. It’s 2am and I lay awake listening to S snore to my left and those cooler than yours truly babbling fucking nonsense out the open window to my right. It’s finally not 100 degrees here in the desert and I just want to air out my shitty over priced apartment. Those asshats already woke up Loki once tonight. What am I suppose to do when I live among a bunch of college kids who for the better part of 5 years only use their party voice? I wish we had a house but it’s basically not an option when you’re poor and unsuccessful so I never entertained the idea. My bad credit married his bad credit and together……we are very easily stoppable.
I usually go off in tangents in my head when I can’t sleep, then I get worked up and my heart races. I’m very sensitive and I don’t think people realize that about me. It is in fact a fault and I don’t know about you but I don’t advertise mine. Until now apparently.
I’m a slacker, I’m unmotivated, lazy, easily distracted, easily discouraged, not very educated, I’m not intelligent in a way that is useful. I’m shy, socially awkward and even fearful. I get confused easily, I don’t like interacting with strangers, I am so chicken shit to drive a car that I’ve never had my drivers license. I get defensive to on a dime, I fail to try, I over think, I  am messy, unorganized and I’m pretty sure most people don’t like me upon first meeting me.
This isn’t meant to be a piss on Jamie party but I guess I was ready to come clean to admit some flaws.


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